Session 19: Power of Positive Thinking

Following one of the worst sessions ever (see Session 18), I decided to "double-up" on class today and took two sessions in a row. It wasn't exactly planned, but the idea has in the back of my mind all week.

With a short 2-day trip to D.C. this weekend, I knew it would be difficult to meet my 30 days without falling behind on this commitment. And while this yoga thing is great, I'm not exactly enthusiastic about sacrificing time from my short vacation - which will be spent seeing friends, exhibits, and monuments in Washington DC - for the sake of meeting my '30-days in a row' goal.

So when my first practice today was filled with a multitude of distractions caused by neighboring yogis, I told myself I would at least consider taking a second class.

Normally this is a complete impossibility, totally unfathomable, and completely unreasonable to consider. People just don't do that! Not regular people, anyway. And I am still very much a regular person. I have yet to consider a handstand is a realistic possibility. Balance on my hands with my feet just in the air.. with no one holding my feet?! No. I don't do that.

In fact, I actively hold myself back. I tell myself I must first master the basics before I can go into anything that advanced. I don't even give myself the option of considering it. I mean, sure, I'll play around with the idea when the option is there, but it's always - "later" or "today is not that day."

But today was about reconciliation. That first practice wasn't a "real" class because it was filled with bad juju and negative energy. And, besides, the second class is shorter.

So I gave it a try. I moved my mat to a different part of the room (a cooler part!), got myself a coconut water (electrolyte replacement is key here), and gave it a shot. I figured that even if I only did some of the moves, I could probably get through it, even if I couldn't walk all weekend.

Molly & I with others in Namawanga, Kenya in 2007

My friend Molly happened to come to this class. As soon as I saw her it instantly elevated my mood. We chatted for a bit and I admitted how "crazy" I was for doing two classes in a row. When class started I began slowly, easing into each position. I made assumptions about how hard it would be. I warned myself that this could be a really bad idea. And I moved, each time, with no expectations. I was exploring, trying something new, and completely forgiving the limitations of my already sore muscles.

To my surprise, the class was actually not that hard. In fact, I really enjoyed it. I was able to bend deeper, to push myself farther, to really get into each pose far more than normal. Each time we moved into something that was challenging, I surprised myself with the ease in which I took it. And, by the end of class, I had reached total, complete bliss.

Photo from MLK Jr. Monument in Washington D.C.

So there you go. I guess it is possible to do nearly 3 hours of straight hot yoga and live to tell about it. And, even better, I have a renewed sense of possibility. Women in the career coaching business will tell you that women often discount themselves when they should be empowered. We assume we can't make a big career move, can't try out for the promotion, can't go on that vacation, can't have fun while we're under deadline pressure. But the truth is, that the only person that is telling us that we can't is ourselves.

And this is a good lesson to start thinking about what we can do. Explore possibilities. Try out something new. See what happens. It may not work out in your favor. Or it may be the best decision you ever made. You won't know it until you try. And, that, my friends is what really counts in the end.

For more inspiration, read Tara Sophia Mohr's 10 Rules for Brilliant Women.

Session 14: Every Day is Different

After 14 days I can say with confidence that every practice, every pose, is different. While there is routine to each day, I'm consistently surprised by the ease - or difficulty - when we move into new poses. Today, I had several surprises.

First, I couldn't seem to get into downward dog. I could hold the pose and make corrections, but my ligaments were stiff and unforgiving. The only way I could achieve the correct posture in my back was to bend my knees.. something that I have never had to do before. This got me thinking that I might be pushing too hard. I felt awkward and out of sync. Maybe I needed to take it easy.

Tree Pose

But when we moved into tree, I was surprised by the challenge. It was difficult to balance and focus on something that is normally easy. When I tried to look up in half moon, I fell over (thankfully not on my neighbor!). I couldn't seem to spinal twist in chair or twisting triangle.

Normally this would be frustrating, but there were other moments of complete and utter harmony. My sun salutations were brilliant. I practiced getting up into handstand (though I think this is a long-term commitment). And I was able to set up for 4 wheel poses, though not the most eloquent versions I have ever done.

But then we went into crow pose. Now, generally when we go to this pose a few things cross my mind. First I hear the instruction I received sometime last year during a small class: start in squat, bend elbows, downward dog hands, knees in armpits, rock forward. I breathe. Then I hear our teacher say "trust yourself." And I know that I already have the skill and strength to hold this pose, but what I lack is the confidence in myself to hold it. The confidence to trust that I will not fall forward and break my teeth.

Crane or Crow Pose, courtesy of TheGreenYogiMB

So the last thought I have is - I'll give it a try. Just see what happens. And today, it happened. It really really happened. I held the pose, I trusted myself, and I stayed up there. I even considered how I could grow more - could I straighten my legs? maybe move into a headstand? I held it long enough to point my toes, breathe, and smile. I was radiant.

Each day, each practice, each pose offers possibility. Sometimes we surprise ourselves with grace. Sometimes we face challenges in the routine. Today I experienced both and I'm grateful for it.

Session 9: Pushing Through Misses the Point

Towards the end of the practice today the instructor said "This is your experience. You choose how you want to experience it. If you want it to be difficult, it will be difficult. If you want it to be easy, it will be easy. But know that whatever you choose, it was what you sought out."

Good Advertising by Hard Tail Clothing

She was talking to me. As she said it, I was breathing through extreme discomfort in pigeon pose. And this the part where I confess I'm an idiot. Pigeon always comes at the end of the class because it is calming and relaxing. Through this pose, your hips open while you rest and rinse out all of the work you just did. Or at least that's the idea. For me, pigeon was my chance to get in one more difficult stretch, my chance to get that much closer to the really flexible ladies that try to convince me to buy over-valued yoga pants by holding difficult and awkward poses. It was my opportunity to keep pushing myself towards possibility, success, enlightenment. Sure, class is difficult now (I would tell myself), but it will be easy soon enough.

What was I thinking?

I have been practicing with the assumption that pushing myself through each pose, holding while my shoulders scream in pain, breathing through extreme discomfort, will make me stronger. And, only when I'm stronger, when I have earned the right to an easier practice, will I actually start enjoying myself. I kept saying "the first week will be difficult, but after that it gets easier" and I earnestly believed that was true. 

But yoga doesn't ever get "easy." And while I do want to advance my practice into harder poses, it's not going to happen tomorrow. It might not ever happen. So why spend the next 21 days torchering myself during the "resting" portion of class when I could be enjoying it?

And sure, I did say from the beginning that this is the "hard" studio. But that is also a lie. It's not the studio, or the heat, or the Baptiste method that is challenging, it's me. And not only is this ridiculous perspective ineffective on the yoga mat, it's also an ineffective approach to life.

So I thought a little bit more about where this ridiculous perspective came from.. and it made me realize something about myself.

Daniel Burrus, CEO of Burrus Research recently wrote "There's no competetive advantage in being just like everyone else" in a recent publication for ThoughtLeaders.

The truth is, that difficult is the approach I take with life. I measure success based on pain - stress at work, overwhelming volunteer commitments, social engagements, lectures, and networking sessions every night, exercise that leaves me limping for days. And for whatever reason, I've convinced myself that pain is the measure of success, and success is happiness. The truth is, that a lot of us approach life this way. We think that if we are not continuously seeing a progression towards something, it's because we effed up.

Photo courtesy of Healthy Nutrition Expert

What I'm here to say tonight is: that idea of sacrifice will lead to success is completely false. Pain leads to pain, and greater expectations. At work, when you get things done through overtime, personal sacrifice, and working through lunch breaks while your friends all go out.. guess what you get? More opportunities to do just that. When you overcommit for volunteer events.. what do you get? The expectation that you can do more, that things are easy for you, and that you enjoy doing it. When you put friends or family consistently before yourself, even when it's not necessary, you generate an expectation that you will always put them first, even if it means you sacrifice your needs for some convenience for them.

And all of that is great. It makes you seem like you are invincible, that you are reliable, and successful, and a great friend to have. But are you better for it? Is anyone better for it? Every situation, every relationship, every job, every yoga practice is different. But who you now shouldn't always be about who you will be tomorrow, sometimes it needs to be about this moment.

I have a coworker that I recently acknowledged for her talent with setting boundaries. There is no question that she is fantastic at her job. She volunteers regularly and occasionally participates in after-work extracurriculars. And yet, when someone asks her to do something outside of scope, or increases expectations beyond what she has time to do, she says NO. She says no, and people respect her for it. She says no, and they keep coming back for more work. I absolutely admire her for that and I continually commend her for easily setting others expectations where they should be and keeps her well-being, and her personal relationships, ahead of sacrifice.

So tomorrow night will be different. I have made a commitment to focus on growing emotionally with my practice, rather than against it. I can't say that I'm a changed person, but at least I'm getting closer to what I don't want to be.. and that's at least a start.

Session 6: Future-thinking

Tonight I had an incredible class. And rather than ranting about how great it was, I wanted to share this story that I came across in researching yoga, the culture, and the theory behind Bikram (more to come soon) because it completely resonated with where I am today and where I will be tomorrow.. when I'm 30.

This is a photo of Sadie, the flash mob instigator

Without quoting the entire article {which you can read here}, a yoga teacher in NYC wanted to celebrate her 40th birthday with a splash. She asked that 40+ women of all shapes and sizes gather and 'strip down to their “boy shorts and tops” to show the world that 40 can be fabulous.' The video is poorly narrated by an adolescent boy, but the hotness of the 40+ women still shines through.

It starts off a little slow, and you honestly think there is a woman on drugs doing yoga in the street, but if you fast forward a couple minutes in, you can see the hotness of the yogis in very little clothing. I have to say, despite the cheap video, it's definitely inspirational to see half-naked 40+ women doing asanas in public.

Here is a better done video with a diverted story. Their mob was cancelled by the MTA police.. so yoginis (yoga practitioners) took to the streets and did crazy poses. It's pretty cool to see. Yoga in random places video.

So there you go, two yoga flash mob videos for your viewing pleasure. Here's to the last day of my 20's and the beginning of a new decade {which I can say with a certain level of confidence that, in part thanks to this experience, I'm not afraid to take on}!  FLASH MOB!

Session 2: How to Lose a Liter of Water in 75 Minutes

Want to know how to lose a liter of water in 75 minutes? I'll give you a hint. It involves Day 2 of hot yoga, a hangover, and a liter of water. Mix the three together and you get pools of sweat on your yoga mat significant enough to twist an ankle.

By 60 minutes into class today I was sneaking glances at the empty 24oz. water bottle, which was sitting there teasing me from the top corner of my mat, and just hoping that the next move wouldn't send me running for the faucets. It wasn't just that I was committed to maintaining my concentration, I was also pretty sure that I would vomit if I moved suddenly. So, trapped on my mat, I grinned and bared it- knowing that every motion, every breath, brought me that much closer to shavasana.

The remedy? A towel, any towel will do, and preferably a full liter of water. Lesson learned. (Article on 10 things to know about Bikram yoga)

Earlier today I woke up with a refreshing sense of determination to approach Hot Yoga - Day 2. The birds were singing, it was sunny outside, and I knew I could take a nap when I got home. I forgave myself for arriving home after 4am thanks to a long night in Providence. The night was a total blast, but ended when I gave my oldest friend Katie (we've been friends since we were 5) a concussion thanks to a failed spin move while shuffling to 50s music in a dive bar. The result? Her head was bleeding and I kinked my right ankle and wrist in a way that left us both in pain, doing the yoga warrior series at 3am while eating pizza, and keeping her awake long enough to know she wasn't going to slip into a coma. Man, my life is not normally this exciting, but I wonder how it bodes for the rest of the year!

Today this was by far my best pose.
Photo Courtesy of Benefits-Of-Hot-Yoga.org

The class itself was just as challenging as the day before, but with the aches of yoga past coupled with the mild wrist injury and intensive sun salutations pushed me to spend a lot of time catching my breath in child's pose. Actually, I was quite literally chasing breath.. which was strange since aerobic exercise is not something you typically associate with calming, meditative yoga, so I'll give you a little more on that.

One of the unique focuses of this particular practice (which initially turned me off of the studio) is that it is very physically demanding. It's kind of like taking a regular yoga class, placing it in the deep rainforest, and demanding sprints in between poses while balancing on a mountain face. If you're not consciously aware of what is going on, it's actually pretty easy to overextend and wind up in a protective ball (i.e. child's pose), grasping the ground, and crawling to your water bottle just for relief. It's certainly not something for everyone, but knowing what you're in for is a good place to start.

Child's Pose. Photo courtesy of YogaXTC.com

With all of that said, I was still surprised to find myself searching for breath in child's pose while the other "all levels yogis" in my class jumped between downward dog and mountain pose with excited jubilation. They weren't just saluting the sun, they were saluting the entire year while I lay in a ball on my mat try to stay alive. Shortly after the sun salutations, the instructor recommended we do an arm balance. I emerged from my ball and looked at my mat.. and that's about as far as it got.

So my lesson for today is all about the resources you need to get through class. It's one thing to show up, mat in hand, and be content with yourself.. it's another to be prepared for the task at hand. You're far less likely to reach your potential if you don't have the tools you need to get there, and having a hand towel and full liter of water is a good place to start.

Why a 30/30/30?

The idea for this month of bliss has been in my mind for a while. I belong to two hot yoga studios in Cambridge. Each has its strengths: one smells really nice and has 60-minute sessions that are both refreshing and validating because I can keep up, do all the moves, and tend to set the pace in class and the other is significantly harder, kicks my butt every time, and the instruction is outstanding. Both clubs like to kick off the year by inspiring members to purchase a monthly pass and commit to attending at least one class a day for an entire month.

In the past when my instructors would plug this ridiculous idea, I would think to myself - 'good for them, but there is absolutely no way I would ever do that' and, again to myself, I would judge them as being obsessive, boring, half-crazy people who obviously had nothing better to do. I have a lot of good friends. I have a life. And I have, in the past, had zero interest in giving up an entire month to long, hard, yoga sessions which leave me exhausted (and thus bitchy). 

But this year is different. This month is not just the beginning of 2012, it's also the beginning of a time in my life which I have dreaded since I knew what it was to age, set goals for myself, and to work towards a "higher calling" (i.e. uncompromising, unforgiving, gross achievement). I can earnestly say that from the time I was a preteen I had expectations for who I would be and what I would become. I would work towards being the best person I could be, overachieve whenever possible, and continue to push boundaries and do something incredible. And I would dedicate the first half of my life to seeing this goal through.

January 7, 2012 would be my day of judgement. What I have achieved by that day would solely determine my self-worth. If I was proud of where I was, it would be because I was obviously an awesome person and deserved lots of praise. If not, it was because I sucked at life and should find a small, remote hole to crawl in and give up. My backup plan was to become a hermit.

Thankfully my adult self knows better (sort of). My visions of grandeur have been adjusted and I have a more holistic and realistic view of what it means to be "successful" (more on success later). Anyone who knows me will tell you that I have so many things to be grateful for. In 2011 alone, Chris and I were engaged and married, my family was happier and healthier than they have been in a long time, and, thanks to an internal transfer, I got a great job with a promising career.

But despite all of these wonderful things, I can't mute the whispers of my 13-year-old self reminding me of the impending judgement on the horizon and all that comes with identifying myself as THIRTY (more on that later). To silence the judgement, reflect, and grow through a remarkable challenge, I have decided to take on the hot yoga 30/30 and blog about it. I'm not sure if I can actually do it, or even if I really want to, but for now I have started this blog and made a personal commitment to seeing this thing through as far as I can take it.

Over the course of the next month, I'll talk more about WHY I chose to do this, reflect on what it means to be 30, and offer some insight into the personal, spiritual, and physical transformations which occur when you throw yourself into 30 days of 75+-minute 100-degree yoga sessions that produce sweat puddles, horrifying smells, and bring out pretty much every emotion you can experience. I'll try to keep the posts short and digestible and keep content relative to what others are experiencing as well. And, by the end, I hope to at least offer others whatever benefits may come out of throwing yourself into something new and seeing where you end up.