Session 15: Forgiveness

Sometimes it's hard to decide what is best for you. I was absolutely exhausted today. Every muscle, every ligament, every fiber in my body was sore when I woke up this morning. I felt achy, tired, and a little defeated. My brain wanted to get ready for yoga: it rationalized the benefits, projected images of the room, conjured the feeling of the mat against my toes, and reminded my body of times past when I was grateful for pushing myself to go.

But my body was adamant against any challenge today. And I responded, appropriately, with a backup plan. Take a later class, I said, or do a video at home. Maybe I just needed to get out of the heat. Maybe I just needed a slower paced class. Maybe I just need to rest for another hour.

Well, actually, no, Julie. What you need is real rest. Like the kind of rest that involves sitting around and doing nothing, taking afternoon naps, and reading on the couch. And I almost believed that. But sometimes it's hard to accept what is best for you, especially when you can call it names: lazy, weak, quitter, and anything that comes after the word "can't."

The truth is, despite my body's unwillingness to move, I went back and forth a dozen times on whether or not to go to yoga today. But as I clung to my yoga gear in a last minute push "to just do it," I realized that the only reason I had to attend class today was not for my benefit, but to fulfill the commitment of 30 straight days. And when I distilled this commitment down to what I most hope to achieve during this time, forgiveness is among the most important. So I suppose that means that I do have to forgive my body for being exhausted and I have to forgive my mind for all of the choices that I made which lead up to my current physical state.

I like to relate the lessons that I learn through this experience back to my personal and professional life and this is among the most obvious ones. It is so easy to get wrapped up in results. When something doesn't go as you expected, you can recount all of the choices you made which lead to the result. You can blame others for the circumstances that forced you to make a choice. You can spend a lot of time beating yourself up for things that didn't go your way. Or, and this is the lesson, we could just forgive ourselves and consider that an opportunity rather than a failure.

Photo courtesy of Miller-Mccune.com

Session 8: How to Breathe

Following a fantastic birthday bash last night (thanks to everyone that came!), I was feeling a little (ahem) less than stellar this morning. In fact, as I nursed myself back to health in the bathtub, I was reminded of something that was mentioned in my first post: the decisions you make today will inevitably come out in your practice tomorrow. Wow, how WISE of me... if only I had thought between the sparking martinis, birthday shots, and endless fried snacks I ate last night...

One thing that I have actually learned in these 8 straight days of yoga is how to breathe. Yoga is kind of amazing like that. After three days, I was holding my "ohms" {we start and end each practice with three ohms, it's actually quite unifying} nearly as long as the instructor. After 4 days, breathing allowed be to get deeper in twists. By 6 days, I was able to find space and breathe through the fire building in my shoulders as we "rested" in downward dog. And after 8 days, I was breathing my way through a very terrible hangover while clinging to the bathtub for dear life. You could say that it is a shame that it took me abusing my insides to realize the true power of breathing, but I say, hell, now I  know it REALLY works! Breathing didn't just heal an upset stomach, it gave me an opportunity to go to brunch with some good friends and spend time catching up.

Corpse pose on blocks. Fantastic stress reliever. Courtesy of greenbrideguide.com.

The practice tonight as all about relaxation. We laid on the floor and experienced subtle twists and movements in an eerily quiet room. We rested on blocks. We kept our eyes closed and listened to our breathing. Our instructor guided us through what it means to be grounded, whole, and present.

And it was, for all intensive purposes, the BEST thing I could have done for myself recovering from a rough morning. If I could make a recommendation to anyone experiencing pain (self-inflicted or otherwise), relaxing yoga will do amazing things for your body. You may be hesitant because resting seems like good medicine, but you're wrong. After an hour of relaxed stretching on the ground (use a video if there is no class available), you will feel like a whole new person with a whole new body. And I can vouch for the effectiveness of relaxing yoga, because this is the third time it has cured a hangover for me.

Here is an article on 10 poses that can help with relaxation, stress relief, and have an added benefit of strengthening your back. The article is write "for brides" but I'm pretty sure other people are also allowed to do them too. Enjoy!

Your Body on Hot Yoga: First 9 Hours

I wanted to include an update on what has happened following my first session and remark on what I'm in for in the next month.

I left my first session totally exhausted, yet energized, feeling a sense of pride in my accomplishments. I was able hold more poses than I thought and, following the instruction of our teacher, started my practice from scratch - assuming no prior expertise and completely open to re-learning every pose. I didn't judge myself or have grand expectations, greeted each pose without judgement, and kept an open mind to see where I could go.

After class I went home to an apartment filled with friends just waking up following our New Years Eve event and Chris in the kitchen prepping brunch. I had a sense of pride and strutted my way in through the doorway to greet everyone lazily lounging on the couch. I smiled, yoga mat in hand, and prepared for the grand moment where I could satisfyingly show them up for ever doubting me. With a sly 'I told you so' grin, I walked into the living room to be greeted by a friend says "wow, you actually did hot yoga this morning? You look like hell." Well, there you go. I guess that's what I get for trying to show them up in the first place. My balloon deflated. I retreated to the shower.

Twisting pose - Courtesy of YogAnonymous.org

In the hours that followed, I ate and drank brunch as normal and enjoyed a bloody mary despite the small voice inside of me that would have preferred lighter fare. Naptime pronounced itself quite suddenly sometime during the first quarter of the Patriot's game and continued for a solid 3 hours. Upon awakening, I pooped, drank a gallon of water, had a snack, and pooped again (common side effect of hot yoga - lots of twists are great for your digestive tract! more on twisting in this article). By 6pm, the Patriots had long since won the game (with 49 unanswered points!) and I finally felt human enough to clean myself up, get fancy, and head down south for a night out with friends.

I was certainly thankful for starting this effort with a day off. Not sure if I really would have been able to do this without having a lot of down time.. mostly because of the sleep deprivation and drinking, of course! But as I head out I wonder how my choices tonight (yoga rule: you will be reminded of what you previously ate and drank during class) will affect me tomorrow and with one more day off before the start of the workweek, I take comfort knowing that tomorrow comes without obligation. If I were to take a lesson from the experience so far, it would be that everything seems so much easier when you relax expectations and allow yourself to be a part of each moment as it comes. Now if only I could actually apply that to the rest of my life...