Session 14: Every Day is Different

After 14 days I can say with confidence that every practice, every pose, is different. While there is routine to each day, I'm consistently surprised by the ease - or difficulty - when we move into new poses. Today, I had several surprises.

First, I couldn't seem to get into downward dog. I could hold the pose and make corrections, but my ligaments were stiff and unforgiving. The only way I could achieve the correct posture in my back was to bend my knees.. something that I have never had to do before. This got me thinking that I might be pushing too hard. I felt awkward and out of sync. Maybe I needed to take it easy.

Tree Pose

But when we moved into tree, I was surprised by the challenge. It was difficult to balance and focus on something that is normally easy. When I tried to look up in half moon, I fell over (thankfully not on my neighbor!). I couldn't seem to spinal twist in chair or twisting triangle.

Normally this would be frustrating, but there were other moments of complete and utter harmony. My sun salutations were brilliant. I practiced getting up into handstand (though I think this is a long-term commitment). And I was able to set up for 4 wheel poses, though not the most eloquent versions I have ever done.

But then we went into crow pose. Now, generally when we go to this pose a few things cross my mind. First I hear the instruction I received sometime last year during a small class: start in squat, bend elbows, downward dog hands, knees in armpits, rock forward. I breathe. Then I hear our teacher say "trust yourself." And I know that I already have the skill and strength to hold this pose, but what I lack is the confidence in myself to hold it. The confidence to trust that I will not fall forward and break my teeth.

Crane or Crow Pose, courtesy of TheGreenYogiMB

So the last thought I have is - I'll give it a try. Just see what happens. And today, it happened. It really really happened. I held the pose, I trusted myself, and I stayed up there. I even considered how I could grow more - could I straighten my legs? maybe move into a headstand? I held it long enough to point my toes, breathe, and smile. I was radiant.

Each day, each practice, each pose offers possibility. Sometimes we surprise ourselves with grace. Sometimes we face challenges in the routine. Today I experienced both and I'm grateful for it.

Session 9: Pushing Through Misses the Point

Towards the end of the practice today the instructor said "This is your experience. You choose how you want to experience it. If you want it to be difficult, it will be difficult. If you want it to be easy, it will be easy. But know that whatever you choose, it was what you sought out."

Good Advertising by Hard Tail Clothing

She was talking to me. As she said it, I was breathing through extreme discomfort in pigeon pose. And this the part where I confess I'm an idiot. Pigeon always comes at the end of the class because it is calming and relaxing. Through this pose, your hips open while you rest and rinse out all of the work you just did. Or at least that's the idea. For me, pigeon was my chance to get in one more difficult stretch, my chance to get that much closer to the really flexible ladies that try to convince me to buy over-valued yoga pants by holding difficult and awkward poses. It was my opportunity to keep pushing myself towards possibility, success, enlightenment. Sure, class is difficult now (I would tell myself), but it will be easy soon enough.

What was I thinking?

I have been practicing with the assumption that pushing myself through each pose, holding while my shoulders scream in pain, breathing through extreme discomfort, will make me stronger. And, only when I'm stronger, when I have earned the right to an easier practice, will I actually start enjoying myself. I kept saying "the first week will be difficult, but after that it gets easier" and I earnestly believed that was true. 

But yoga doesn't ever get "easy." And while I do want to advance my practice into harder poses, it's not going to happen tomorrow. It might not ever happen. So why spend the next 21 days torchering myself during the "resting" portion of class when I could be enjoying it?

And sure, I did say from the beginning that this is the "hard" studio. But that is also a lie. It's not the studio, or the heat, or the Baptiste method that is challenging, it's me. And not only is this ridiculous perspective ineffective on the yoga mat, it's also an ineffective approach to life.

So I thought a little bit more about where this ridiculous perspective came from.. and it made me realize something about myself.

Daniel Burrus, CEO of Burrus Research recently wrote "There's no competetive advantage in being just like everyone else" in a recent publication for ThoughtLeaders.

The truth is, that difficult is the approach I take with life. I measure success based on pain - stress at work, overwhelming volunteer commitments, social engagements, lectures, and networking sessions every night, exercise that leaves me limping for days. And for whatever reason, I've convinced myself that pain is the measure of success, and success is happiness. The truth is, that a lot of us approach life this way. We think that if we are not continuously seeing a progression towards something, it's because we effed up.

Photo courtesy of Healthy Nutrition Expert

What I'm here to say tonight is: that idea of sacrifice will lead to success is completely false. Pain leads to pain, and greater expectations. At work, when you get things done through overtime, personal sacrifice, and working through lunch breaks while your friends all go out.. guess what you get? More opportunities to do just that. When you overcommit for volunteer events.. what do you get? The expectation that you can do more, that things are easy for you, and that you enjoy doing it. When you put friends or family consistently before yourself, even when it's not necessary, you generate an expectation that you will always put them first, even if it means you sacrifice your needs for some convenience for them.

And all of that is great. It makes you seem like you are invincible, that you are reliable, and successful, and a great friend to have. But are you better for it? Is anyone better for it? Every situation, every relationship, every job, every yoga practice is different. But who you now shouldn't always be about who you will be tomorrow, sometimes it needs to be about this moment.

I have a coworker that I recently acknowledged for her talent with setting boundaries. There is no question that she is fantastic at her job. She volunteers regularly and occasionally participates in after-work extracurriculars. And yet, when someone asks her to do something outside of scope, or increases expectations beyond what she has time to do, she says NO. She says no, and people respect her for it. She says no, and they keep coming back for more work. I absolutely admire her for that and I continually commend her for easily setting others expectations where they should be and keeps her well-being, and her personal relationships, ahead of sacrifice.

So tomorrow night will be different. I have made a commitment to focus on growing emotionally with my practice, rather than against it. I can't say that I'm a changed person, but at least I'm getting closer to what I don't want to be.. and that's at least a start.

Video Resources, Links, and Other Helpful Pieces of Information

In my last post I mentioned that there are video resources available for you to use to practice at home. Here is a summary of what I use (or have used in the past). This is certainly not an exhaustive list, but it's a good place to start.

Yoga Journal
Yoga Journal is one of the (if not the most) most well read yoga publications out there. Here is a link to their expansive collection of videos for your viewing pleasure.

Baron Baptiste

Baron Baptiste on DVD

Full confession: I go to Baptiste Power Yoga Institute in Cambridge. And I will admit that they weren't my default studio before I took on this month-long challenge. But if you want to learn yoga, or just follow a class on video, this is my best recommendation. He has produced a host of videos, many of which have been available for streaming on Netflix.

Here is a link to the online store. I purchased this one years ago to use while I travel. It includes three live sessions to choose from and each has a different length. And here is a review of the DVD.

Netflix
If you have a subscription to Netflix, this is a great place to test out a variety of videos. In fact, they have an entire genre of yoga. There are a few available for streaming (Crunch has a series which I haven't tried) and a wide selection for renting.

Hulu

If you don't know what Hulu is, you're missing out. As with most things, it used to be cool and has since turned into a subscription service (though many videos are available still for free). There are 150 pages of yoga videos and clips, along with several video channels dedicated to yoga. I can't say that all of them are worthwhile, but if you can find a few that you like you can save them to your favorites and avoid the search query every time.




Of course, you can always check out streaming videos from youtube, purchase videos on amazon (Gaiam has a good AM/PM series), or rent videos from blockbuster. With the popularity of yoga these days, it's all over health and fitness cable channels as well. The lesson is to find what works best for you and find a place to fit it into your routine.

Session 8: How to Breathe

Following a fantastic birthday bash last night (thanks to everyone that came!), I was feeling a little (ahem) less than stellar this morning. In fact, as I nursed myself back to health in the bathtub, I was reminded of something that was mentioned in my first post: the decisions you make today will inevitably come out in your practice tomorrow. Wow, how WISE of me... if only I had thought between the sparking martinis, birthday shots, and endless fried snacks I ate last night...

One thing that I have actually learned in these 8 straight days of yoga is how to breathe. Yoga is kind of amazing like that. After three days, I was holding my "ohms" {we start and end each practice with three ohms, it's actually quite unifying} nearly as long as the instructor. After 4 days, breathing allowed be to get deeper in twists. By 6 days, I was able to find space and breathe through the fire building in my shoulders as we "rested" in downward dog. And after 8 days, I was breathing my way through a very terrible hangover while clinging to the bathtub for dear life. You could say that it is a shame that it took me abusing my insides to realize the true power of breathing, but I say, hell, now I  know it REALLY works! Breathing didn't just heal an upset stomach, it gave me an opportunity to go to brunch with some good friends and spend time catching up.

Corpse pose on blocks. Fantastic stress reliever. Courtesy of greenbrideguide.com.

The practice tonight as all about relaxation. We laid on the floor and experienced subtle twists and movements in an eerily quiet room. We rested on blocks. We kept our eyes closed and listened to our breathing. Our instructor guided us through what it means to be grounded, whole, and present.

And it was, for all intensive purposes, the BEST thing I could have done for myself recovering from a rough morning. If I could make a recommendation to anyone experiencing pain (self-inflicted or otherwise), relaxing yoga will do amazing things for your body. You may be hesitant because resting seems like good medicine, but you're wrong. After an hour of relaxed stretching on the ground (use a video if there is no class available), you will feel like a whole new person with a whole new body. And I can vouch for the effectiveness of relaxing yoga, because this is the third time it has cured a hangover for me.

Here is an article on 10 poses that can help with relaxation, stress relief, and have an added benefit of strengthening your back. The article is write "for brides" but I'm pretty sure other people are also allowed to do them too. Enjoy!

Session 6: Future-thinking

Tonight I had an incredible class. And rather than ranting about how great it was, I wanted to share this story that I came across in researching yoga, the culture, and the theory behind Bikram (more to come soon) because it completely resonated with where I am today and where I will be tomorrow.. when I'm 30.

This is a photo of Sadie, the flash mob instigator

Without quoting the entire article {which you can read here}, a yoga teacher in NYC wanted to celebrate her 40th birthday with a splash. She asked that 40+ women of all shapes and sizes gather and 'strip down to their “boy shorts and tops” to show the world that 40 can be fabulous.' The video is poorly narrated by an adolescent boy, but the hotness of the 40+ women still shines through.

It starts off a little slow, and you honestly think there is a woman on drugs doing yoga in the street, but if you fast forward a couple minutes in, you can see the hotness of the yogis in very little clothing. I have to say, despite the cheap video, it's definitely inspirational to see half-naked 40+ women doing asanas in public.

Here is a better done video with a diverted story. Their mob was cancelled by the MTA police.. so yoginis (yoga practitioners) took to the streets and did crazy poses. It's pretty cool to see. Yoga in random places video.

So there you go, two yoga flash mob videos for your viewing pleasure. Here's to the last day of my 20's and the beginning of a new decade {which I can say with a certain level of confidence that, in part thanks to this experience, I'm not afraid to take on}!  FLASH MOB!

Session 5: A Lion and a Swallow

During tonight's class our instructor mentioned that inside all of us there are two energies - a fierce, unyielding power (lion) and a nurturing, graceful swallow. I think we can all agree that of course that is true. Sometimes I'm super nice, other times I'm, well, not. But lately, I'm mostly the swallow and I can't help wondering if by the end of this whole thing I'm going to end up being one of those uber-nice, sickly sweet, peace-loving people that I used to avoid like the plague simply because I didn't understand them. I guess there are worse things.

Physically, I change every day. In tonight's practice I still needed to take a break at moments when I normally wouldn't need to (if my frequency was one class a week), but my abs are stronger, my arms are more defined, and I feel taller. Legit - I honestly feel like I've grown an inch. When I walk, my body is more upright. When I stand, it's with a surprising presence.

Tadasana (Mountain Pose) courtesy of Yogajournal.com

And so today it seems only appropriate to focus on the tallest of all poses, mountain pose. It's a pose that is often taken for granted. After all, we have been standing most of our lives, so how hard could it be?  My instructor walked us through this tonight and I can tell you, it's not. You can read all about how to do it in this article on Tadasana at yogajournal.com.

Just as with most poses, there are many ways you can approach this posture. The instructor focused on two (the theme was finding unity in opposition). You can muscle through it, pushing yourself harder and deeper just to get through or you can work on flexibility, finding length and space through alignment.



And perhaps the lesson which resignates most with me is that each day, each practice is different. Sometimes you muscle through it and push yourself to build strength and power. And other times you focus on breathing, on finding depth and space in places where you didn't have it before. It's the combination of the two - strength and flexibility, feirce and nuturing, ying and yang - that makes us whole.

To take this one step further, we all have good days and bad days. Understanding that we must experience one to experience the other gives you peace and that, to me, is beautiful.

Session 4: Food = Fuel and Why Salt is OK

Session 4 kicked my butt. Ironically, it was a short basics class which focused mostly on positioning your body correctly in each movement and a lot less posture-intensive from the all levels version. Yet, still, I found myself in child's pose while our instructor narrated breathing through the discomfort in our first position. I "cheated" with knees whenever possible just to give my shoulders a rest. I "took a break" to get hydrated not because I was thirsty, but because I just couldn't hack it. And I celebrated, quietly and to myself, when we reached the end of class.

And since I had reached this point already (didn't I say just yesterday how I couldn't wait for the next class?? That's what I get..), it seemed like the perfect opportunity to ask the instructor for some tips on surviving and thriving (yoga word) in the next month. Here is her advice:

• First, congratulate yourself for making a commitment to furthering your practice and to your physical and (sometimes) spiritual well being. Yoga is a holistic practice which can inspire and change your life {and it has - I'll post more on life changing experiences of others later}.
• Second, don't try to do every move. Instead, only participate in postures that nourish and further your practice {I laughed when she said this - that's easy! I couldn't do them all if I wanted to!}
• Also, make sure to hydrate consistently {more about hydration later}
• When you drink, you want to replace electrolytes lost during the practice. {Full article on hot yoga and electrolytes here through Livestrong.com}
• Make sure to eat salt (especially if you're craving it) {and I was!}
• And if the heat is wearing you down, do a session at home (out of the heat) just to give your body a break or take a day off. This is a marathon, not a sprint.

Her advice was, if nothing else, spot on and I appreciated every bit of it. {You don't have to tell me twice to add more salt to my diet!} But there was one piece of advice which I totally threw out the window and I would highly recommend others considering an intense physical commitment like this one to do the same: add more heat!

After a class where my body was absolutely exhausted, sore, and all muddled up with lactic acid, I knew that the best thing for me was to get to a hot tub and work it out.. and that's just what I did. After an hour between the hot tub, the shower, and the steam room at my fru-fru gym (healthworks is one of the top rated women's gyms in the country) I felt like I had switched bodies. It was amazing.

To take this as a lesson, regardless of who you are getting advice from - whether it be a highly practiced yoga instructor or your boss - just keep in mind that sometimes you do know what's best for you. And I don't mean use that as an excuse to avoid doing something you don't want to do - I mean do exactly what is the best thing for your body, mind, or soul regardless of what others think your limitations are.

Your Body on Hot Yoga: First 9 Hours

I wanted to include an update on what has happened following my first session and remark on what I'm in for in the next month.

I left my first session totally exhausted, yet energized, feeling a sense of pride in my accomplishments. I was able hold more poses than I thought and, following the instruction of our teacher, started my practice from scratch - assuming no prior expertise and completely open to re-learning every pose. I didn't judge myself or have grand expectations, greeted each pose without judgement, and kept an open mind to see where I could go.

After class I went home to an apartment filled with friends just waking up following our New Years Eve event and Chris in the kitchen prepping brunch. I had a sense of pride and strutted my way in through the doorway to greet everyone lazily lounging on the couch. I smiled, yoga mat in hand, and prepared for the grand moment where I could satisfyingly show them up for ever doubting me. With a sly 'I told you so' grin, I walked into the living room to be greeted by a friend says "wow, you actually did hot yoga this morning? You look like hell." Well, there you go. I guess that's what I get for trying to show them up in the first place. My balloon deflated. I retreated to the shower.

Twisting pose - Courtesy of YogAnonymous.org

In the hours that followed, I ate and drank brunch as normal and enjoyed a bloody mary despite the small voice inside of me that would have preferred lighter fare. Naptime pronounced itself quite suddenly sometime during the first quarter of the Patriot's game and continued for a solid 3 hours. Upon awakening, I pooped, drank a gallon of water, had a snack, and pooped again (common side effect of hot yoga - lots of twists are great for your digestive tract! more on twisting in this article). By 6pm, the Patriots had long since won the game (with 49 unanswered points!) and I finally felt human enough to clean myself up, get fancy, and head down south for a night out with friends.

I was certainly thankful for starting this effort with a day off. Not sure if I really would have been able to do this without having a lot of down time.. mostly because of the sleep deprivation and drinking, of course! But as I head out I wonder how my choices tonight (yoga rule: you will be reminded of what you previously ate and drank during class) will affect me tomorrow and with one more day off before the start of the workweek, I take comfort knowing that tomorrow comes without obligation. If I were to take a lesson from the experience so far, it would be that everything seems so much easier when you relax expectations and allow yourself to be a part of each moment as it comes. Now if only I could actually apply that to the rest of my life...