Session 19: Power of Positive Thinking

Following one of the worst sessions ever (see Session 18), I decided to "double-up" on class today and took two sessions in a row. It wasn't exactly planned, but the idea has in the back of my mind all week.

With a short 2-day trip to D.C. this weekend, I knew it would be difficult to meet my 30 days without falling behind on this commitment. And while this yoga thing is great, I'm not exactly enthusiastic about sacrificing time from my short vacation - which will be spent seeing friends, exhibits, and monuments in Washington DC - for the sake of meeting my '30-days in a row' goal.

So when my first practice today was filled with a multitude of distractions caused by neighboring yogis, I told myself I would at least consider taking a second class.

Normally this is a complete impossibility, totally unfathomable, and completely unreasonable to consider. People just don't do that! Not regular people, anyway. And I am still very much a regular person. I have yet to consider a handstand is a realistic possibility. Balance on my hands with my feet just in the air.. with no one holding my feet?! No. I don't do that.

In fact, I actively hold myself back. I tell myself I must first master the basics before I can go into anything that advanced. I don't even give myself the option of considering it. I mean, sure, I'll play around with the idea when the option is there, but it's always - "later" or "today is not that day."

But today was about reconciliation. That first practice wasn't a "real" class because it was filled with bad juju and negative energy. And, besides, the second class is shorter.

So I gave it a try. I moved my mat to a different part of the room (a cooler part!), got myself a coconut water (electrolyte replacement is key here), and gave it a shot. I figured that even if I only did some of the moves, I could probably get through it, even if I couldn't walk all weekend.

Molly & I with others in Namawanga, Kenya in 2007

My friend Molly happened to come to this class. As soon as I saw her it instantly elevated my mood. We chatted for a bit and I admitted how "crazy" I was for doing two classes in a row. When class started I began slowly, easing into each position. I made assumptions about how hard it would be. I warned myself that this could be a really bad idea. And I moved, each time, with no expectations. I was exploring, trying something new, and completely forgiving the limitations of my already sore muscles.

To my surprise, the class was actually not that hard. In fact, I really enjoyed it. I was able to bend deeper, to push myself farther, to really get into each pose far more than normal. Each time we moved into something that was challenging, I surprised myself with the ease in which I took it. And, by the end of class, I had reached total, complete bliss.

Photo from MLK Jr. Monument in Washington D.C.

So there you go. I guess it is possible to do nearly 3 hours of straight hot yoga and live to tell about it. And, even better, I have a renewed sense of possibility. Women in the career coaching business will tell you that women often discount themselves when they should be empowered. We assume we can't make a big career move, can't try out for the promotion, can't go on that vacation, can't have fun while we're under deadline pressure. But the truth is, that the only person that is telling us that we can't is ourselves.

And this is a good lesson to start thinking about what we can do. Explore possibilities. Try out something new. See what happens. It may not work out in your favor. Or it may be the best decision you ever made. You won't know it until you try. And, that, my friends is what really counts in the end.

For more inspiration, read Tara Sophia Mohr's 10 Rules for Brilliant Women.

Session 18: Your Surrounding Environment

It's no secret that your surrounding environment affects you. This is pretty obvious in an office work setting. An uncomfortable chair, bad lighting, or an irritating neighbor can dramatically affect your mood, your productivity, and your general happiness.

Maybe the arms in your chair are too high and they always bump your desk when you turn around. Maybe a fluorescent light has just reached the end of its useful life and incessantly flickers all day. Or maybe your neighbor spends an entire morning talking loudly on the phone with a client.

All of these things are minor on their own, but when you are stressed about an impending deadline, or your still steaming from the argument you had with a friend/spouse the night prior, these small things can push you over the edge and lead to you saying or doing things you wouldn't normally do.

When I get irritated at work for a stupid reason, like my boss saying something sarcastic that I decided to interpret as a personal assault against my character (rather than a joke), I can usually trace it back to that guy that ran a red light during my commute and nearly hit me or maybe a deadline got pushed up that I wasn't anticipating, leaving me to worry about how I would fit this change into my schedule for the week.

Usually I spend those days blasting my iPod, stewing on the negative for a while, and giving off the "don't you DARE talk to me" vibe. When that doesn't work, I usually share a portion of my irritation with others: "can you BELIEVE she has been on the phone all day?!" or "what the hell was THAT supposed to mean?!". And, in the very rare case (it's happened twice in the last three years) where my irritation has completely derailed any hope of productivity for the day, I own my anger/irritation, and do everyone a favor by leaving for the day.

One of the things I realized during practice today was that leaving the scene of a bad mood can be great for your neighbors (let's face it, no one wants to be around an angry person) and your productivity (last time I left for this reason I ended up working 10 hours straight from home .. which not only addressed the thing that was stressing me out, it also allowed me to make amends with the opposition), but it's bad for your emotional health.

Leaving is an act of disengagement. Running away from something that is difficult, while alleviating the environmental stress of the scene, denies you of the opportunity to learn HOW to deal with it.

Let me preface my yoga experience with acknowledging that I had a particularly nice day at work today. Everything went smoothly, people were responsive and helpful, and my cube neighbors broke up the day with occasional conversation. In fact, it was such a productive day that I was able to go to the earlier class - something that I wanted, but believed to be a lofty goal, given my workload.  So when I arrived at class today I had no expectations. I was just there to enjoy myself, get into the practice, and maybe learn something new.

Class started off fine, but from the beginning I was a little awkward and it was difficult to find the correct alignment in standing poses. As the room started to heat up, I found myself getting frustrated by the awkwardness of my body in poses I had done hundreds of times. When I moved from one position to another, I had to spend extra time moving and twisting. Every pose was so challenging that I felt like I had no idea what I was doing. I started making verbal excuses in my mind: I was just having a bad day, it's hard to do this every day, I spent too much time in basics classes this week.

I started getting frustrated. Frustrated and angry.

As the anger built, I moved to child's pose and tried to trace back WHY I was so angry. What could have possibly set me off? I had a good day at work. I got everything done that I needed to. I was going on vacation first thing tomorrow morning. I was physically strong. And I had all of these motions a hundred times before.

I looked around me.

My neighbor to the left had her feet up on the wall, completely disengaged from the class. Before class started, she had an incident with someone else when she moved her mat from another position to the spot next to mine because to have a buffer. When the person said they would be willing to move and apologized, she refused and kept saying "it's not you, it's me." I had seen her a lot before and, for whatever reason, just didn't like her. She had an aggressive look, like if I moved the wrong way she would attack me. In previous interactions I had intentionally smiled and observed when she had pleasant conversations with other people. But today, with that strange interaction before class and her complete disengagement in the class made me feel surprisingly uncomfortable. Why bother going to class if you're not going to participate?

To my right was a girl I hadn't seen before. She was a little overweight and it was clear this was one of her first classes. She had a pleasant smile and generally seemed fine. But class wiped her out and she spent most of the time in child's pose.

Behind me was a pair of friends, one of which was crowding me for no reason. They occasionally talked to each other during class. I mean.. seriously?

In front of me was a girl who, if such a thing existed, appeared to be practicing for the yoga olympics (yogalympics). I do admire the work that it takes to get into handstands, but something about her energy made me feel like I was in a competition (this happens every once in a while.. I can't place how, but you can tell when someone is being competitive) and/or at some kind of variety show. Unfortunately for her, I have seen Cirque du Soleil and was not impressed.

But I had brought my own negative energy to class as well, though I didn't know it until this moment. Earlier today someone had sent me an email about a volunteer program they wanted to start up. They were adamant about talking as soon as possible and I found myself giving too much time to them when I had other more important things to do for the same organization. I react emotionally when people seem like they are trying to waste my time, particularly when it's in regards to a volunteer activity, and even more so when their motivation is all about self-promotion.

So there it was. I was in a nexus of bad juju and I would be stuck there for the remainder of class. I would address my irritation by staying through this class, in child's pose with everyone else (no yogalympics for me), stewing in my own frustration and anger.

And while I cannot reasonably blame my environment for the foulness of my mood and a soured practice, I have at least begun to acknowledge that the quality of my internal practice is a reflection of how I perceive my external environment. It's possible to be stubborn enough to stick through discomfort because all feelings eventually pass. {And they pass a lot faster when you're rescued from yourself by a friend, good conversation, and a glass of wine!}

Session 15: Forgiveness

Sometimes it's hard to decide what is best for you. I was absolutely exhausted today. Every muscle, every ligament, every fiber in my body was sore when I woke up this morning. I felt achy, tired, and a little defeated. My brain wanted to get ready for yoga: it rationalized the benefits, projected images of the room, conjured the feeling of the mat against my toes, and reminded my body of times past when I was grateful for pushing myself to go.

But my body was adamant against any challenge today. And I responded, appropriately, with a backup plan. Take a later class, I said, or do a video at home. Maybe I just needed to get out of the heat. Maybe I just needed a slower paced class. Maybe I just need to rest for another hour.

Well, actually, no, Julie. What you need is real rest. Like the kind of rest that involves sitting around and doing nothing, taking afternoon naps, and reading on the couch. And I almost believed that. But sometimes it's hard to accept what is best for you, especially when you can call it names: lazy, weak, quitter, and anything that comes after the word "can't."

The truth is, despite my body's unwillingness to move, I went back and forth a dozen times on whether or not to go to yoga today. But as I clung to my yoga gear in a last minute push "to just do it," I realized that the only reason I had to attend class today was not for my benefit, but to fulfill the commitment of 30 straight days. And when I distilled this commitment down to what I most hope to achieve during this time, forgiveness is among the most important. So I suppose that means that I do have to forgive my body for being exhausted and I have to forgive my mind for all of the choices that I made which lead up to my current physical state.

I like to relate the lessons that I learn through this experience back to my personal and professional life and this is among the most obvious ones. It is so easy to get wrapped up in results. When something doesn't go as you expected, you can recount all of the choices you made which lead to the result. You can blame others for the circumstances that forced you to make a choice. You can spend a lot of time beating yourself up for things that didn't go your way. Or, and this is the lesson, we could just forgive ourselves and consider that an opportunity rather than a failure.

Photo courtesy of Miller-Mccune.com

Session 14: Every Day is Different

After 14 days I can say with confidence that every practice, every pose, is different. While there is routine to each day, I'm consistently surprised by the ease - or difficulty - when we move into new poses. Today, I had several surprises.

First, I couldn't seem to get into downward dog. I could hold the pose and make corrections, but my ligaments were stiff and unforgiving. The only way I could achieve the correct posture in my back was to bend my knees.. something that I have never had to do before. This got me thinking that I might be pushing too hard. I felt awkward and out of sync. Maybe I needed to take it easy.

Tree Pose

But when we moved into tree, I was surprised by the challenge. It was difficult to balance and focus on something that is normally easy. When I tried to look up in half moon, I fell over (thankfully not on my neighbor!). I couldn't seem to spinal twist in chair or twisting triangle.

Normally this would be frustrating, but there were other moments of complete and utter harmony. My sun salutations were brilliant. I practiced getting up into handstand (though I think this is a long-term commitment). And I was able to set up for 4 wheel poses, though not the most eloquent versions I have ever done.

But then we went into crow pose. Now, generally when we go to this pose a few things cross my mind. First I hear the instruction I received sometime last year during a small class: start in squat, bend elbows, downward dog hands, knees in armpits, rock forward. I breathe. Then I hear our teacher say "trust yourself." And I know that I already have the skill and strength to hold this pose, but what I lack is the confidence in myself to hold it. The confidence to trust that I will not fall forward and break my teeth.

Crane or Crow Pose, courtesy of TheGreenYogiMB

So the last thought I have is - I'll give it a try. Just see what happens. And today, it happened. It really really happened. I held the pose, I trusted myself, and I stayed up there. I even considered how I could grow more - could I straighten my legs? maybe move into a headstand? I held it long enough to point my toes, breathe, and smile. I was radiant.

Each day, each practice, each pose offers possibility. Sometimes we surprise ourselves with grace. Sometimes we face challenges in the routine. Today I experienced both and I'm grateful for it.

Session 12: Stop Thinking About it!

It seems silly, but I would say that my hardest pose to date, the one I have the most trouble focusing and growing in, is shavasana (corpse pose). We end each practice with several minutes in a calm, dark room, that is nearly silent. The goal of this pose is to be still, clear your head, and earnestly rest before you move on to whatever comes next in your day. This was not always difficult for me, but lately it's been very challenging. So
today when my instructor totally caught us in the act, I thought I would share some of his wisdom because most of us suffer from distracted thinking and even when it's welcome, it's not always what is best for us.

Since the beginning of this adventure I have noticed that my approach to class has shifted. In my former life, I would - like most other people - attend class when I wanted to, mostly for the physical practice, but also to sort of check out of life for a while. I didn't think in class very much, sort of just accepted what was there and did what I could. But now I'm on a path towards.. something. And rather than just attending each class, I consider every hour to be one piece of a larger, overarching experience. I keep unintentionally making marks for myself - assuming class will get easier tomorrow, or the next day. A common phrase is: "by the end of this I will be ..... " because, of course, I can't be the same person afterwards, I have to be different - that's the point, right?

Ah, well, no - not really.

The thing is that I have spent a lot of time thinking about what I'm doing (each pose, what's next, are my hips pointing in the right direction? can I go deeper?) and not enough time experiencing the practice, as I mentioned in the Session 9 post. Sidenote: Jenna Marbles has a funny video about this. Today the narration had quieted for the most part. But I couldn't help laughing when the instructor brought it up.

The thing is, and I know a lot of us do this, we LOVE to think about stuff. Here are two common forms of distracted thinking:

1. You don't want to do what you're doing and you seek out distraction. This can either be internal (picture you, staring off into space, in protest of doing whatever you 'should be' doing): where you think about what you did last night, plan for weekend, consider something you read recently, think about your pets; or external: check facebook, check your email, text your friend, check facebook again, read an article that's sort of work-related, write on your blog, do your time sheet, watch that video someone mentioned, check facebook again... When you are successful, you'll find that you can sometimes pass a lot of time while appearing to be busy and enjoying at least mildly enjoying yourself.

• In yoga class this kind of distraction comes from allowing your thoughts to wander. Maybe you think about your neighbor or a person near you and what they're doing. Maybe you think about someone's mat (that's a thin mat, I wonder if it's a rental.. no, not a rental, but really used.. maybe he's a writer, he kind of looks like a writer..), their water bottle (I miss my nalgene bottle.. maybe I'll get another one.. i brought it to kenya the first time.. that was a good trip..), or their sweet yoga gear (sweet yoga tights! I wonder if she bought it at Athleta... was that the summer issue or early fall?.. i wonder if they still sell them.. maybe they're on sale now..)

2. You're so emotionally connected to a recent event, you obsess about it for hours. This is the worst kind because it can be literally paralyzing. Maybe you got in a fight with your significant other or a good friend. Maybe you had a great date or a recent flirtation that you can't help but completely indulge in processing it over and over again. I have a lot of friends that admittedly do this, so I imagine that most of us are guilty

• In yoga this would basically be the same thing as when you're at your desk, pretending to work. The nice thing about thoughts is that they are so portable. I can take my thoughts from one asana to another. I can take them up and down my sun salutations and try to cast them out of strengthening poses. But when they're strong emotional thoughts they are really hard to shake. After a while, it feels like they're following you.

Sometimes distracted thinking can be an asset. Maybe you realize something that will help remedy an issue. Maybe you think of something nice to do for your friend. Maybe you obsess about it until it stops bothering (or exciting) you.

But if you really want to do what is best for you, most of the time that means STOP IT. Stop thinking about it. No more. Cut it out. Give up already. Here are three ways to clear your mind:

Source plus Article on "How to Meditate"

1. Breathe. Focus on your breath. Extend the length of each inhale and exhale. Consider rotating or moving with your breath.

2. Turn your thoughts upside down! If you're thinking negative thoughts, turn it around by thinking of something positive about the person, the event, or something that makes you happy. If it's positive, consider what you're missing out on when you spend your time thinking about other things - is this really the best thing for your work day?

3. Listen to music that focuses you. In Ally McBeal everyone had a theme song, something they could listen to that would aid whatever situation they faced. I choose 70s classic rock or Enya. It sounds out of touch, but you can get it loud enough to drown out distracting noises and it's still not coherent enough to occupy your attention.

Photo courtesy of AleighEdwards.com

Whatever you choose, do what's best for you at the time. And consider what you miss out on when you're distracted. Class is a thousand times easier when I don't narrate every pose, when I'm actually present at each moment, and when I choose to experience it as a whole. And I would argue that work goes by a lot faster (and I'm more productive) when I'm actually in it. Plus, I feel better afterwards. 

Breathing meditation is a great tool as well. I use it nearly every shavasana to help focus and calm my mind, or if I'm having trouble falling asleep, and it has helped me focus at work. Select the link to learn more. 

Session 9: Pushing Through Misses the Point

Towards the end of the practice today the instructor said "This is your experience. You choose how you want to experience it. If you want it to be difficult, it will be difficult. If you want it to be easy, it will be easy. But know that whatever you choose, it was what you sought out."

Good Advertising by Hard Tail Clothing

She was talking to me. As she said it, I was breathing through extreme discomfort in pigeon pose. And this the part where I confess I'm an idiot. Pigeon always comes at the end of the class because it is calming and relaxing. Through this pose, your hips open while you rest and rinse out all of the work you just did. Or at least that's the idea. For me, pigeon was my chance to get in one more difficult stretch, my chance to get that much closer to the really flexible ladies that try to convince me to buy over-valued yoga pants by holding difficult and awkward poses. It was my opportunity to keep pushing myself towards possibility, success, enlightenment. Sure, class is difficult now (I would tell myself), but it will be easy soon enough.

What was I thinking?

I have been practicing with the assumption that pushing myself through each pose, holding while my shoulders scream in pain, breathing through extreme discomfort, will make me stronger. And, only when I'm stronger, when I have earned the right to an easier practice, will I actually start enjoying myself. I kept saying "the first week will be difficult, but after that it gets easier" and I earnestly believed that was true. 

But yoga doesn't ever get "easy." And while I do want to advance my practice into harder poses, it's not going to happen tomorrow. It might not ever happen. So why spend the next 21 days torchering myself during the "resting" portion of class when I could be enjoying it?

And sure, I did say from the beginning that this is the "hard" studio. But that is also a lie. It's not the studio, or the heat, or the Baptiste method that is challenging, it's me. And not only is this ridiculous perspective ineffective on the yoga mat, it's also an ineffective approach to life.

So I thought a little bit more about where this ridiculous perspective came from.. and it made me realize something about myself.

Daniel Burrus, CEO of Burrus Research recently wrote "There's no competetive advantage in being just like everyone else" in a recent publication for ThoughtLeaders.

The truth is, that difficult is the approach I take with life. I measure success based on pain - stress at work, overwhelming volunteer commitments, social engagements, lectures, and networking sessions every night, exercise that leaves me limping for days. And for whatever reason, I've convinced myself that pain is the measure of success, and success is happiness. The truth is, that a lot of us approach life this way. We think that if we are not continuously seeing a progression towards something, it's because we effed up.

Photo courtesy of Healthy Nutrition Expert

What I'm here to say tonight is: that idea of sacrifice will lead to success is completely false. Pain leads to pain, and greater expectations. At work, when you get things done through overtime, personal sacrifice, and working through lunch breaks while your friends all go out.. guess what you get? More opportunities to do just that. When you overcommit for volunteer events.. what do you get? The expectation that you can do more, that things are easy for you, and that you enjoy doing it. When you put friends or family consistently before yourself, even when it's not necessary, you generate an expectation that you will always put them first, even if it means you sacrifice your needs for some convenience for them.

And all of that is great. It makes you seem like you are invincible, that you are reliable, and successful, and a great friend to have. But are you better for it? Is anyone better for it? Every situation, every relationship, every job, every yoga practice is different. But who you now shouldn't always be about who you will be tomorrow, sometimes it needs to be about this moment.

I have a coworker that I recently acknowledged for her talent with setting boundaries. There is no question that she is fantastic at her job. She volunteers regularly and occasionally participates in after-work extracurriculars. And yet, when someone asks her to do something outside of scope, or increases expectations beyond what she has time to do, she says NO. She says no, and people respect her for it. She says no, and they keep coming back for more work. I absolutely admire her for that and I continually commend her for easily setting others expectations where they should be and keeps her well-being, and her personal relationships, ahead of sacrifice.

So tomorrow night will be different. I have made a commitment to focus on growing emotionally with my practice, rather than against it. I can't say that I'm a changed person, but at least I'm getting closer to what I don't want to be.. and that's at least a start.

Video Resources, Links, and Other Helpful Pieces of Information

In my last post I mentioned that there are video resources available for you to use to practice at home. Here is a summary of what I use (or have used in the past). This is certainly not an exhaustive list, but it's a good place to start.

Yoga Journal
Yoga Journal is one of the (if not the most) most well read yoga publications out there. Here is a link to their expansive collection of videos for your viewing pleasure.

Baron Baptiste

Baron Baptiste on DVD

Full confession: I go to Baptiste Power Yoga Institute in Cambridge. And I will admit that they weren't my default studio before I took on this month-long challenge. But if you want to learn yoga, or just follow a class on video, this is my best recommendation. He has produced a host of videos, many of which have been available for streaming on Netflix.

Here is a link to the online store. I purchased this one years ago to use while I travel. It includes three live sessions to choose from and each has a different length. And here is a review of the DVD.

Netflix
If you have a subscription to Netflix, this is a great place to test out a variety of videos. In fact, they have an entire genre of yoga. There are a few available for streaming (Crunch has a series which I haven't tried) and a wide selection for renting.

Hulu

If you don't know what Hulu is, you're missing out. As with most things, it used to be cool and has since turned into a subscription service (though many videos are available still for free). There are 150 pages of yoga videos and clips, along with several video channels dedicated to yoga. I can't say that all of them are worthwhile, but if you can find a few that you like you can save them to your favorites and avoid the search query every time.




Of course, you can always check out streaming videos from youtube, purchase videos on amazon (Gaiam has a good AM/PM series), or rent videos from blockbuster. With the popularity of yoga these days, it's all over health and fitness cable channels as well. The lesson is to find what works best for you and find a place to fit it into your routine.